majored in boxing, did an M.A. at Plymouth Rock and started the legend of Cropsie. he waited on tables at Comedy U. while forging a Ph.D. on the Asian Flu. he caused a panic in '29. kept the grapes of wrath in wine- broke the lock on the Reichstag, labeled the Ten Commandments a mixed bag. he made the documents ecumenical then went to work for Hooker Chemical. with Brookie he rode the Jordache horse, without a bra made her run the course. he hired cossacks, danced at the Ritz, ordered Heineken, but paid for Schlitz. he went to the ropes in the seventh he rounded the wheel... he got Mrs. Robinson alone and copped a feel. he gave Ben Franklin the gout and left the people of Palestine without. he lectured Moses, laid on some bread, beat Crazy Eddie with rubber hoses and on a TV closeout came out ahead. Fourth of July, "that's my bag!" he tried to sew an American flag, but found pins and needles without any thread. he's got a season's box to root the L.A. Rams, cheerleaders chime, "if he can't do it, no one can." he was a witch doctor of babies and a killer of the ladies. on the Caine Mutiny, Queeg the Skipper, "are you Mary Clark?" screamed Jack the Ripper. he took summer at camp, pulled a raid on the girls swimming in the raw, he stole a canoe, sank a raft and started Color War. he devised the standardized tests ten million students swore, he ran it through the mixer fixer and always came out best.